Once upon a time

Today, I told my staff. I did not cry. It is not good-bye quite yet.

Three months ago, I finally decided enough was enough. I was no longer able to function as an effective branch librarian half-time, 20 hours a week. I kept thinking it was 40 pounds of mud in a twenty pound sack. The overflow was painful to me. I felt it was unfair to me, to my staff, to my public (mini curtsey stage center). I was always and evermore behind, rushed, slightly off, speed limping across the branch with my cane. Quick, over to new books, over to reference, over to fairy tales.

If it has escaped anyone, being a branch librarian is very physical. It is very difficult to do without picking up or pushing around 40 pounds at a time. I mean, really, reshelve reference two books at a time? Replace old editions with new editions. Then find the previous edition that has been circulating for the last year, and swap them all out, from their top and bottom shelf locations. A long time ago, I noticed how the heaviest books always find the least convenient locations.

(No, no, no time. Slog through that book truck filled with ce. nice, shiny, bestsellers, only read once. However, some are 2003, 2004, 2005. Too old to add to our overflowing shelves! Except wait, might need to check some ISBNs in the database. But, no, no time. The November book order! Overdue!)

I kept thinking I could make it work. This job, these three years, is the best and happiest I've had in my give-or-take twenty-two years in library land. So sweet, so pretty, so nice in every way, shape and form. I love this job, this place, these people.

But finally, I soul searched enough. Three months ago, I told my boss, I cannot do this, physically. You need a 40-hour a week librarian. (I should mention that scheduling 16 to 20 hours a week of substitutes was quite a management feat, all by itself.) It was intensely painful to say I could not do something. I was severely overtired, attending physical therapy twice a week, with doctor appointments filling up many of my half days "off." I think "I can do it" is the mantra branch librarians live by. But I got a doctor's note, and said I can't do it.

The administration has created a job for me at headquarters. What do you do with a halftime librarian who can't cart around books, or walk or stand very long? It took them two months to figure it out. I won't be working in a library. SOB. Our headquarters is in a warehouse converted to office space, in the middle of a light industrial park, with lots of other county departments. It's not pretty. There are nice people. Wouldn't you know my best friend in the system is being transferred from HQ to a branch the same time I'm moving? Happy new years everyone.