Friday, January 30, 2009

unconditional chocolate

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have been off on sick leave since the beginning of December. I will not be returning to work any time soon. I have not begun my new position. So much for all my agonizing. I am missing work, colleagues, and a sense of purpose/utility. I think needing to be needed is another prerequisite for happiness as a public librarian.

OK, I know this is weird to read/say in a blog post. My health problems are serious and severe, grim even. No, I do not need help with further research. There are no miracles just around the corner. Actually, the miracle is that the Offspring arrived with Christmas. She is taking a leave of absence for the semester to stay and be part of my caregiving team. It is wonderful having her here with us. Though I am suffering from some maternal guilt. This was to be her last semester, followed by graduation. So I make threats daily--she MUST graduate asap! She is taking two online classes. I try to only ask twice a day if her schoolwork is done. We are both revisiting shades of her high school career.

Her help lifts quite a burden off the shoulders of the other branch librarian who lives here. He's been using some Family Medical Leave to take time off for doctors' appointments, etc. Guess what? He also finds it impossible to keep up with his job in under forty hours a week. Makes me feel somewhat vindicated.

I have had a couple of people ask me what I am doing all day. In a nutshell: I get up, wash, get dressed, read the L.A. Times, breakfast, read email/FaceBook, try to keep the paperwork mountain under control (three plus hours today--truly), talk to family and friends.

We have an incredible series of visits and visitors scheduled--now through March. It is very complicated. We've had to set boundaries. People cannot stay at our apartment--too small and overcrowded already. Most visits can last no longer than a half hour to an hour. I get over-tired and loopy past that. The brain and body...

Of course, there is a bit of romance reading going on, very slowly. I just don't have the concentration! Who is this person? Wearing a hat?

Oh, re: post title. I am eating all and every form of chocolate I come across for the rest of my life. Every last chocolate doughnut. Let me mention the lastest Dove ice cream flavor (title). It's is almost too chocolatey for me!

Happy Valentine's Day to all. I'm about to float away on a sea of chocolate. Hope you valentine was as good to you as mine was to me!

4 comments:

Rochelle said...

I'm glad you're having a good valentine's day! Bathing in rivers of chocolate...that can't be a bad thing! I'm thinking of you. And I say: don't hesitate to write about health issues. I was a bit uncomfortable doing it, but it helps the soul to say some things.

Well actually it helps the soul to build the experience in Second Life too, but that requires way too much concentration. :)

You're in my heart and my thoughts, you fascinating woman, you.

lislemck said...

Thanks, Rochelle! You have been my role model for years. Second Life has been way past me for years. I'm still gettng comfortable (sort of) with FaceBook. I am very happy to have my 2.0 friends to cheer me on. And keep me tethered to "reality."

Anonymous said...

Hi EJM,
Sorry to hear of your present troubles. Send me your email address, I lost it! Jacquie has gotten a recurring form of Guillaime Barre Syndrome, so I can sympathize from experience, sort of. And it is TERRIBLE about the FLP...a place I no longer work...
Deborah

lislemck said...

Deb:I don't have your email, either. Will continue to try to contact you.